I have had many days this past weekend where spiritual mentors have filled my spiritual tank to the brim, where I felt like it was information overload. I felt like I had released so much to God and when I was given the oppurtunity to do what the World Race staff calls a “Cross Walk” to help people surrender things to God, I was very reluctant. I thought I surrendered everything and to be honest I was drained from releasing so much baggage. But God knew I was holding on to so much more, so I reluctantly took a hike up a mountain with a splinter causing log in one hand and a huge rock in the other and written on them where the things I believed kept me safe from heartache. As I began to walk a simple little trail I was looking at my rock and log saying to myself, I am addicted to vunerabilty and playing the victim, it makes me feel loved. As destuctive as that sounds, you have no idea how much havoc the enemy has feed into my life.
Steep, soft yet rocky ground, and fallen trees is what I came across on the first hill. I struggled my way to the top and got so angry that I couldn’t get a decent grip on the hill because I was too busy holding my sins and pain in the palm of my hands. Casey tells me at the top of that hill, “You need to scream” so while on my knees I let out a screeching horror movie scream. I was angry, I was being held back by things which in my mind kept me safe and it humbled me to know that I needed to do this and I needed Jesus to guide me up the rest of the mountain.
After some encouraging prayer I continued on. Getting splinters, falling, getting lost, getting dirty, and even letting out some curse words I made it to the top! Flinging my log and rock to bottom of a makeshift cross, I was ready to surrender. As I was talking with Kayla tears flowing from my eyes she tells me your not ready to surrender. I had a dumbfounded look on my face but inside the evil sprits realized that they were caught. After sitting on a mountain in North Georgia for what seemed like hours I was so overwelmed on how I was going to surrender and where to start. Kayla recommended I start with one thing (the root of my pain) because God is so gracious he is willing to take time to heal my ridiculous wounds. So I said I have hatred for my father and I want to forgive him but I feel like he never loved me. Keep in mind this is no one but the devils fault for feeding me lies and he essentially built this hatred up all through my fathers blood line.
So I sit there alone and look at this tree, about waist high and as thick as my arm. It looks strong and intimidating with roots that pobably reach deep. I think to myself that reminds me of my father, strong, stubborn and scared to show love. God says, “Take it down”. I can’t God I am weak and there is no way that tree is coming down. He says, “TRY ME”
So with my feet planted I brace myself and push forward than towards me, the tree flops out the ground as I fall back. It didn’t even have roots, all it had was a ball of dirt and rock at the end.
Through that God showed me that I do love my father and that what I hate is how the enemy destroyed our
relationship. I ran down that mountain with an overwelming love in my heart for my dad and how I have to tell him face to face how I forgive him because it wasn’t him that told me lies it was the enemy. So when I get that chance to see my Daddy I will stand before him and say I LOVE YOU and I FORGIVE YOU, although he is strong and intimidating I will think back to that tree and how the love of Christ can bring down even the most rooted wounds of the heart.
Wow, Rosie…this is very powerful stuff. I’m so thankful to hear how God is working in your life and healing you from your past. I think I’m even a little jealous, in a healthy way 😉 You are getting an opportunity to experience some amazing things. Don’t take any of it for granted…not that you would, I’m just sayin’
rosie this is beautiful. i love that you decided to do the surrender walk. not an easy thing. i love you so much. i am happy for you that the Father showed you these things on this brutal yet graciously beautiful hike. sister keep on pressing in.
you’re gonna have such a great rewith your papi when you see him. that excites me for you. just so you know. i’m just sayin.
te quiero mucho amiga.
When you going home to see your dad? I predict he will return your loving words. This needs to happen soon.
wonderful testimony, Rosie. let us know how it goes!
powerful…
Rosalee, that was a bold faith, If you attempt greater things you will do marvelously.I admire your true feelings of love to your paddy.That is a great virtue for better future.
Cheers!
Dr Usman,Uk.