So I well into my second week of marriage and we are slowly but surely coming down from cloud nine into reality. Thank you all for continuing on this journey with me through your love and prayers.
I want to ask if you would come alongside of me in prayer and praises as I continue in this new season of my life.
Praises
-We have been blessed with a home and what we pay we can save double what I initially expected.
-My awesome position here at AIM.
-A couple at AIM gave us a second car, which is needed with our different scedules and the long distance from our home into town.
-Jonathan has a 20 hour a week job, it does not pay much but he has the chance to minister to middle school kids (which he loves).
-An wise and awesome couple has agreed to counsel and disciple us into a stronger and healthier marriage.
Prayers
-Jonathan is stuggling to find a 40 hour job with decent pay and benefits, my income will not sustain us past six months. Please pray not only for the right job but that he learns to not depend on his own strength but to be humbled, faithful, and obedient.
-New things are taking effect with the department I work for, pray that we all put honor in our work and understand that God is in control.
-Health, Jonathan is struggling with asthma daily and wakes up at night gasping for air. My doctor has ordered me to eat better and excercise, pray for discipline.
-Pray for our relationship with Christ as individuals, we understand that our marriage can not succeed unless Christ reigns in both our lives as well as our life as a couple.
Again Thank You All for your Love, Support, and Prayers!
So I know it has been a super long time so I decided to give a quick update. Th end of ComLife has came and went. Oddly it was a smooth change after spending a year with the same people. I believe it was just time for the end. I miss the ComLifers and it hasn't even been a solid week. Our debrief was filled with lots of laughs, relaxation, and just having fun together. It was a great end to a season filled with many ups and downs. We stayed at a beautiful cabin overlooking the North Georgia Mountains and enjoyed one anothers company.
What's new for me now? Well I am staying in Gainesville, Georgia and I am staying on staff with AIM in the Short Term Missions Department. Also I am getting married...TOMORROW. I know that is not exactly a fair notice but Jonathan and I just opted for a quick courthouse wedding, to save money for our future and such. God has blessed us immensly, with a home, a job for me, and lots of people who love and support us. One huge prayer request is that Jonathan is currently searching for a job with no luck. We have realized that it will be close to impossible living on my small income alone. So if you could pray for a job, any job at this point, so we can get more finances in.
Also the ComLifers are well on their way to their new destinations, please keep them in your prayers, that would mean so much to me and them.
That's pretty much what's new in my life now. Thank you all so much for your continued prayer and support. I pray that you all stay tuned on my updates for this new season in my life. Thanks Again!!!
In church this morning it was no surprise that the sermon was geared toward the men in light of fathers day. What was a surprise was my shift in thought about the men of this world.
So many times I hear myself talking about the statistics between the lack of men and the abundance of women in both full time ministry and on the missions field. Proclaiming out loud, "Rise Up Men of God". Scripture says how men are to be the spiritual leaders but I see so many women taking that role on. As my tainted heart bashes the men who have yet to take thier place, Christ Spirit in me says, what about the men who have taken their place in the front of the battle lines.
As a woman I don't know the difficulties a man faces no matter how much I pretend to know. I spend so much time speaking of statistics that I forget to encourage those who have become and maintain a strong spiritual leader role. Scripture says how my role as a woman is to love, respect, and encourae, the men in my life, but I get so caught up in my own independence that I pat myself on the back instead. My boyfriend Jonathan tells me of how difficult it is to be identified as a real Godly man when so many woman have this preconcieved notion of him being not good enough, and with a past like his, they see him as a failure. That not only hurts me because I know he is a great Godly man and my best friend whom never goes a day without promising me love and protection but it convicts me because how many times have I made him feel like he just doesn't measure up.
During church the pastor asked those men who are and have made a commited to die to self and to put their children, wives, friends, and all people before their own selfish desires. I admit as my head was bowed I expected to raise my head to see 10 men tops taking that oath. But when I raised my head I saw a sea of men fallin into line, preparing for battle. Even little boys holding the hands of their fathers proclaiming his still flourishing manhood. Teenage boys wanting to break free of the mold they have been so tightly put in. Older men promising to guide the boys into true manhood.
So this is my tribute to those men who have taken thier place in the Kingdom of God. Though my father has made mistakes just like we all do, I am not called to fix him but called to love and respect him. And so I take my place BEHIND the men of God who are called to be leaders in a generation where the ego and independence of a woman has made them appear as boys.
This trust me is not a easy lesson to learn, and I know I still don't quite get it mainly because I was always taught how to be an independent self seeking woman. But what I do understand is how I feel important, worth it, beautiful, and loved when I simply get to see the smile on a mans face when I say, thank you for being a spiritual leader and thank you for laying down your life for me.
Here are some new updates for the ComLife Family. By the middle of June we will go from 11 to 4 people in the house. I would be lieing if I said I wasn't excited to have some more quite time without so many people around, but I am more excited about what's to come for my brother and sisters. Please pray with me as they embark on new journeys.
Shaye Shaye!!!
Shaye is on her way to Kenya to lead a 1 month Real Life trip. Shaye is a natural leader, but pray the enemy does not thwart her natural abilities. Shaye has been struggling with a double ear infection for about 2-3weeks now. Please pray for complete healing so she can be healthy to lead and serve.
Teresa- Sweet T!!!
Teresa is headed to Swaziland, Africa to lead a 1 month Real Life team. Teresa has really come out of her shell these past 10 months of ComLife. I'm so proud of my sister! Please pray that she will not agree with lies and agree with the truth of her victory and authority in Christ.
Mags!!!
My roomie Maggie...Oh how I Love Thee! Mags is co-leading a trip to Guatamala in July then off to the Phillipines in the fall. Mags has a true gift of wisdom, please pray that she use that wisdom to discern God's will for her life. She is definitely a unique individual whose not afraid to fly. Pray that her uniqueness spures on a God given inspiration for all people.
Barton!!!
Barton is preparing to go to India for the summer then off to college in Indiana. Barton has a unique intellect with much to offer the people he comes in contact with. Pray that he understand the importance of his role as a man in the Kingdom of God. Also pray that the truth of God's word become alive and real to him as he seeks his true identity in Christ.
Toya Mac!!!
Toya is going to Hawaii to be a nanny for three months. Toya has begin struggling financially to stay afloat but she has held up like a true warrior. I love her dearly and ask that you please pray for her support and for her future both with AIM and personally. She still needs loads of help so please if you can give in any way visit her blog www.toyamac.myadventures.org
Kash!!!
Kelsey is going back home early and leaving us for college. Pray that she adjust properly in a college far from home and that she make friends in loving and easy way. Which won't be hard because she has the kind of humor that we all need and want. Pray against any confusion that might be thrown her way and that Kelsey truly grow into the woman of God I know she is.
Jess!!!
Jess will be leading a two week Guatemala trip at the end of June. She has been a great friend and leader to me. She will also be heading to Thailand in the fall to work with women coming out of the sex trafficking industry. Please pray for ultimate Godly stength and for Jess to learn the language easily and quickly as this is a hard place to minster. Also pray that God show her the importance of the her season in ComLife.
Kim!!!
Kim will be leading two short term missions this month (back to back). Please pray for the planning and preparation of these projects. Kim has become so much more of a leader to me. She has truly become a friend and wise confidant with so much to offer God's lost and broken people. Pray for God to give Kim clarity for what is to come after ComLife and to help her find peace in all that God directs her in.
Kelsey!!!
Kelsey has a desire to stay at AIM as staff so please pray for God's will to be done. Kelsey is like a little sister to me and we have a kind of trust I share with no one else and the kind of put you in your place love we all yearn. Pray for the next season in her life, that God would meet her in a real and tangible way and that she would continue to shine with the love of Christ.
Amanda!!!
Amanda will be holding down the fort here at the ComLife house during the summer. She is preparing for the next season of ComLife. Pray that she be confident in her leadership abilities and that God bring a sea of new ComLifers to be blessed by Amanda's leadership abilities. She has thaught me so much about the importance of love through thick and thin.
The long bus ride from Lowell, MA back to Gainesville, GA (long meaning 1 day and 5hrs.) The constant stops at Greyhound stations which happen to always be in the middle of the ghetto. New York, Virginia, Conneticut, Maryland, middle of northern no where.
Riding alongside of the forest green waiting, anticipating a break in the tress to peer into whats beyond the vastness of the leaves. Jonathan's head on my shoulder as exhaustion overcomes him, an exhaustion come upon by meeting family member after family member. Passing, if I must say, with flying colors, the neccessary tests when meeting the family.
I've been to this place before. The loud salsa music at 8am Saturday morning, the laughs and tantrums of children, running circles around me. My cousins, my generation has begun the usual pattern of children, marriage, then love, or in some cases a strength to overcome the heartbreak and turmoil of lovers/baby daddy's past. My relationship with Jonathan has become a resounding gong of difference and our sleeping in different houses is definetly a conversation starter.
Who is this unfamiliar woman in this familiar place. Still ferocious yet caring, Puerto Rican by blood, spurred on by passion, but now saved by love, covered in a pure blood unknown to the family sometimes even unknown to me. Th familiar and the unfamiliar having collided to create in me more love, more passion, more determination to let the gong of difference ring loud and free, and yes, as if it were possible, more Puerto Rican. More spanish words flowing from my lips. More latin flare in my danicing steps. More delectable hispanic recipes.
I forget how much I Love the familiar. Unlike Chicago, my grandparents in Massachusetts keep things in order, mellow, fun, solid, and drama free. Poor Jonathan, this is just the tip of the iceberg. There is a whole fleet of family in Chicago and Florida waiting to meet him. And with that I say, let the gong of difference, drenched in pure blood, surrounded by light, cascading with love, let it ring!
Thinking back to the life I lived, where a 9 to 5 job, bible study on Wednesday night, young adult gatherings, and church on Sunday was the norm. Thinking back even farther where waking up with a hangover, partying all night, club hoping, and meeting up with different men was the norm. The abnormal life I lead now has become a normal mode of living.
What is my Normalacy?
Continually being tested even in the midst of my prayer, my worship, and loving on people, the enemy always wanting to sift me, attempting to truly love people that some days I just can't stand. Spending hours in converstions where I am NOT the main focus, being selfless, seeking that Warrior within when all I want to do is cower deep within my hurt, pain, and weakness. Losing all of who I was to become all of who I am. Walking out my relationship in a public way, allowing my community to be brutally honest while remembering that with that honesty comes an overwelming amount of love. Dealing with youth pastors who fear violence and swine flu in Mexico, having deaths and trials that happen overseas affect my heart so much that I can barely function. Carrying the burdens of my brothers and sisters, prayer walks on a constant, asking the Lord always, engulfed by uncomfortable conversations with those who yearn for God but don't quite know it yet. Loving on young girls who most days despise my authority and take advantage of my love, wanting so bad to do more knowing that each day there is nothing I can do without Christ. Remembering that I did nothing to deserve it and remembering that with great love comes great sacrifce, and the more I look and act like Jesus, the more the world hates and despises me, which in all honesty fuels the fire within me just to know that I am worthy of such suffering. Success, failure, confession, repentance, a brutal cycle that I am deperate to be freed from. Forgiveness, mercy, grace, and sacrifice, a beautiful love that I enjoy being trapped in.
To me ComLife is my Normalacy. I live an adventure where one day I am certain of my future and the next day I am lost in his Glory and letting go of the reigns. I yearn to continue to live in this adventure and God has given me that chance by allowing me to stay in Gainesville, GA working for The Edge department with Adventures In Missions. I have made a commitment and until God moves me here I will stay to continue on in my "normalacy".
Now here is my ComLife Blurb: Will Community one day be your Normalacy?
Program Dates:
September 1, 2009 – July 30, 2010
January 8, 2010 -- November 19, 2010
To apply, please click here. Once we receive your application, we'll send more details and contact you to discuss the program. If you have questions, please call Amanda Dums
1-800-881-2461 ext 241
So we started the morning with an honest and intense seesion where God basically hit me with a brick. As I began to spew out my issues, tears and all, with trusting God, blaming God for me not encountering him sooner in my life, and me not believing my family, ComLife, and my boyfriend when they say I Love You Rosie, (I know it all sounded just as dumb the first time I said it). Praying with a heavy heart and yelling out my honest yet worldly confessions to the Lord, I walked away from my morning alone time with lots of unresolved issues, but what a release of issues that are still pending.
Home-1pm
As Amanda and I went for a walk down Kesington Avenue I felt a huge sense of comfort because I have definitely walked down streets filled with loud cars, drug dealers, prostitutes, etc. (Not noticing that back then) But this time was different! I didn't walk like I did before with an over exaggerated hip sway. Instead I walked with a mouth full of prayers and my eyes where clear of scales. I saw and felt the pain of the city as I walked on in a joyful comfort and a saddened heart leaving behind the fragrance of Christ, the bloody footprints from my bathing in the forgiveness of his sacrifice, and the love that I was so graciously given and I so humbly give away.
Innocence-6pm
If are an avid blog reader of mine then you know my love for children and the joy I recieve from recieving the embrace of a little child. It was kids club and as I ran around, played games, and laughed with 5 and 6 year old children, I stopped to have a conversation with a little boy named Raymond, swinging from the monkey bars. As he swang, his little legs flopping all over the place and nearly kicking me in the eye, he started telling me about his family. He says, "I have no Mommy and Daddy and my cousin Anthony has no Mommy and Daddy and we live together". My face clearly looked saddened as he enthusiastically replied to my expression, "But it's okay Ms. Rosie cuz me and Anthony have each other and I'm gonna be a doctor and Anthony's gonna be a cop and we are gonna help my neighbor". Rejoice in your sufferening, Be thankful always, Lay down you life for you brother, and Love your neighbor as yourself, are the biblical teachings that so many of us fight to learn, and here he is, little Raymond, 5 years old, a 2 minute conversation, and he exuded the Christ I yearn to be.
This past week ComLife had the chance to take a trip to Kensington Philadelphia. While in Philly I was able to attend an AA meeting. If you never attended an open AA meeting, basically we sat there while they went over one of the 12 steps and some people shared then after we had the chance to just talk to those who lingered after the meeting. AA meetings are essentially like church if everyone where completly honest. While I was there they spoke about step six: "CHARACTER DEFECT" (basically a less religous way of saying SIN).
What struck me as beautiful and accepting was that the only requirement to attend an AA meeting is if you have the desire to stop your alcohlic dependency. Whether you have been sober a year or an hour you are welcomed with open arms and with true AA nature a Hi my name is ______ Hello______Thanks for sharing!
Step six lead me to think of my "Character Defects"....In AA meeting honesty here is a list of only a few of my "Character Defects" (brace yourself for if you are not prepared to see me in all my weakness and my struggle while understanding that I too am a work in progress, then please STOP reading now)
LUST
From the loss of my purity at age 14 to now I have struggled with keeping my body a temple of the Lords and keeping my mind free from immoral thoughts. I could passionatly rant about how Satan stole my innocence and purity and how as a daughter of the most high I want it back for it rightfully belongs to me. BUT because I chose my lustful desires over Christ he had a wide open door. Even now at 22 years old I struggle to maintain a Christlike relationship which bares righteous fruit. BUT I will not give up because Christ did not carry his cross and then say Lord I changed my mind I will not be sacrificed. So I say I will be sacrificed...DAILY!
Selfishness
I never knew how self focused I was until I was put in a house with 11 people. All I can talk about is my issues and my struggles. While I speak of me my brothers and sisters drown before my eyes. I would listen to people in order to simply wait my turn so I can talk about me. I am a "Me Monster" (click here to see what I mean). It is a daily practice for me to stop and truly listen and instead of thinking of what I will say next about me I think of questions to ask about the other person. This leads me to notice that I recieve love and my heart is ministered to not by what I say of me but by seeking to love others when it's only about them.
Anger
I don't quite know when Satan sneaked in through this doorway but it affected my ComLife family and my relationship. It has become that no longer can I recieve constructive criticsm without snapping back with a crazy hispanic chick attitude. This happens regularly when I just can't seem to get things right. Whether it's a mouth full of curse worse or a complete avoidance of the "guilty "party, it leads to me having to say sorry a lot. Just thinking about it I have lots more sorrys to say. Again a daily struggle to hold my toungue, pray, then apologize.
These are just a few of my "Character Defects" but it is when I see my weakness and the ugliness of my heart that I can see Christ strength and his beauty deep within me.
I began the hike up the Georgia mountains yet again, if you want to know about my first excursion read my blog TRY ME!!!. So I am sitting in the rain with the log of my burdens sitting in my lap, looking at the log realizing that everything I essentially left at the top of the mountain in October 2008, I picked back up and continued to carry it along.
So going on this hike again was something I knew I needed but of course I was weary of continually reliving the pain of my sins because it seems like lately I have been going through that over and over again. Riding this emotional rollercoaster and still attempting to hike this mountain yet again was something I would have to rely 100% on God.
Climbing the muddy, steep terrain as I slowly realized how my sin has become a distraction. Distracting me from having an intimate relationship with God, from having an intimate relationship with my ComLife family, and from truly recieving Gods blessings in love, relationships, and the healing of my soul.
I wish I could say that it happened with just as much intensity as last time but I knew what to expect on the physical aspect of it. Getting through the hike rather quickly, I get to the top laying down my burdens as my heart fills with joy and rejoicing, I think to myself I will be damned if I pick these burdens up again. I am tired of removing myself from Godly relationships because I define and seek validation in the crap of my past.
So feeling a lot less weighed down I find myself rejoicing in the Lord and most importantly ready to take on the intimacy of Christ and his ultimate love. At the end of the day I felt the physical exhaustion but my heart is ready to take on the truth of Christ's beautiful sacrifice. But please continue to keep me in your prayers as I know that this will not be easy and this emotional rollercoaster gets higher and scarier, but it is when I am weak that I am strong.
2 Corinthians 12:10
"That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong."
So I well into my second week of marriage and we are slowly but surely coming down from cloud nine into reality. Thank you all for continuing on this journey with me through your love and prayers.
Barton!!!
